Tag: hope

  • Between the Lines #3

    Dinner With My Fears

    Tonight,

    I sat at a table
    with all of my fears.

    There wasn’t enough room.

    Failure arrived first,
    still wearing my face.

    She smiled politely,
    asked if I’d finally accepted
    that I’ll never become
    everything I dreamed of.

    Before I could answer,

    Grief pulled out a chair.

    She didn’t say much.

    She never does.

    She just looked at me
    like we’d known each other
    for years.

    We have.

    Self-doubt
    wouldn’t stop talking.

    Every sentence
    ended with a question mark.

    Are you sure?

    What if you’re wrong?

    What if they leavewhen they finally know you?

    Loneliness laughed.

    Not because anything was funny.

    Because she’d already heard
    this conversation before.

    Fear of failure
    ordered another drink.

    Fear of being forgotten
    kept checking the door
    to see if anyone else
    was coming.

    No one did.

    Then…

    Abandonment arrived.

    The room changed.

    Every fear went quiet.

    Even Grief
    looked away.

    She sat across from me
    like she’d always owned
    that chair.

    She didn’t have to introduce herself.

    I’ve known her
    since I was little.

    She folded her hands
    and asked,

    “How much of yourselfdid you give away todayjust to make someone stay?”

    I didn’t answer.

    She smiled.

    She already knew.

    She reminded me
    of every apology
    I never owed.

    Every boundary
    I called selfish.

    Every version of myself
    I buried alive
    so someone else
    wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

    She spoke the longest.

    The others
    hardly interrupted.

    Because every fear
    at that table

    had learned its language
    from her.

    Failure said,

    “You’ll disappoint them.”

    Self-doubt whispered,

    “You’re too much.”

    Loneliness added,

    “No one stays forever.”

    Even Grief nodded.

    They were all saying
    the same thing.

    Just with different mouths.

    I sat there

    listening.

    Until something strange happened.

    A chair scraped the floor.

    Hope.

    Late as always.

    She looked exhausted.

    Like she’d fought traffic
    just to get here.

    She sat beside me,

    not across from me.

    She didn’t argue
    with my fears.

    She simply reached
    for my hand.

    And for the first time
    all evening—

    Abandonment

    stopped talking.

    Because maybe

    the loudest voice
    at the table

    was never the truest one.

    Maybe it was just

    the oldest.

    — Destiny


    A little between the lines…

    I think fear has a way of disguising itself.

    Sometimes it calls itself failure.

    Sometimes loneliness.

    Sometimes self-doubt.

    Sometimes it convinces us that making ourselves smaller is easier than risking someone walking away.

    But if you listen long enough, sometimes you realize all those voices learned how to speak from the same place.

    I wanted this poem to give those voices bodies.

    To sit them around a table.

    To let them talk.

    And then, eventually, to let Hope pull up a chair.

    Not because Hope magically makes fear disappear.

    She doesn’t even argue with it.

    She just sits beside you.

    Sometimes that’s enough to make the oldest voice in the room a little quieter.

    Until next time,
    — Destiny

    P.S. If your fears had a seat at the table, which one would talk the most? 🖤

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  • It Is What It Is

    Tomorrow morning, I’ll be having surgery.

    I’ve noticed something kind of funny.

    Everyone else seems more concerned about it than I am.

    People keep asking if I’m nervous, and I keep giving them the same answer.

    Not really.

    I’ve never been someone who gets overwhelmed by surgeries. My mindset has always been pretty simple:

    It is what it is.

    Life keeps moving.

    And today proved that.

    Today was the last day of summer school.

    The building felt different. Everyone was excited for summer to officially begin, but there was also a quiet sadness woven into the day. Two of my coworkers are moving on to different chapters. One is leaving altogether, and another accepted a new position, so today was our last day working together.

    It’s funny how a place can feel different the moment you realize someone won’t be there tomorrow.

    After work, I spent part of the afternoon driving friends around because life apparently decided everyone’s car should act up at the same time.

    Later tonight, my boyfriend and I are going to see if we can help fix one of them before coming home, making dinner, and ending the night the way we usually do—with something familiar playing on the TV and a chance to unwind.

    In between all of that…

    I have surgery tomorrow.

    I’m not packing a hospital bag.

    I’ll throw on a pair of baggy sweatpants, grab my favorite blanket, and head out in the morning.

    Tomorrow morning I’ll be getting up about an hour and a half earlier than I’m used to.

    Other than that, it’ll probably feel like any other weekday.

    I’ll get dressed.

    I’ll put on deodorant.

    I’ll brush my teeth.

    I’ll stand in the bathroom getting ready for the day just like I always do.

    The only thing missing will be my morning medication. Since I’m not allowed to eat or drink before surgery, I’ll be skipping that part of my routine.

    It’s funny how something that feels so big can begin in such an ordinary way.

    The surgery itself doesn’t really scare me.

    If anything, I’m more curious than afraid.

    Curious about what they’ll find.

    Curious if this will finally answer some of the questions I’ve been carrying for a long time.

    This procedure is another step in trying to understand why becoming a mom hasn’t happened for us naturally.

    Maybe they’ll find something.

    Maybe they won’t.

    I think the only thing that really makes me nervous is the conversation afterward.

    The moment the doctor comes out to explain what they found.

    I’ll probably still be waking up from anesthesia, trying to keep my eyes open, and I know I’m not exactly known for remembering much afterward. I’m hoping whoever’s with me catches the things I won’t.

    Other than that…

    Life feels surprisingly normal.

    Dinner still has to be made.

    Cars still break down.

    People still move on to new jobs.

    Summer school still ends.

    Tomorrow just happens to include a hospital in the middle of all of it.

    Maybe tomorrow will bring answers.

    Maybe it’ll bring more questions.

    Either way…

    It’s another step forward.

    And right now, I think that’s enough.

    I’ll let you know what tomorrow brings.

    — Destiny

    P.S. I’ll be back soon. Hopefully with a few more answers… and at least one good anesthesia story. 🖤

  • Between the Lines #1

    I wrote this before this blog ever existed.

    It was tucked away in one of my notebooks, waiting for the right place to live.

    I think it found that place here.

    Scars

    The gods always asked

    for sacrifices.

    Some were given lambs.

    Some were given daughters.

    I was given myself.

    No temple stood above me,

    no choir sang my name,

    yet something holy

    was taken all the same.

    Every pale line

    is another language

    my body learned

    instead of peace.

    The ones across my legs

    look like rivers

    on an old map—

    proof that even broken things

    search for somewhere

    to belong.

    People ask

    if I regret them.

    As if regret

    could erase history.

    As if skin

    ever forgets

    the knife,

    the fingernails,

    the hands that held too tightly,

    the nights that stole

    more than sleep.

    My skin is carved with scars

    that someone else earned.

    Not mine.

    Mine was only the body

    left behind

    after their hands,

    their words,

    their silence

    had already decided

    what would become of it.

    My skin was never sacred.

    It was only the altar.

    They called it survival.

    The gods

    would have called it

    an offering.

    Maybe that’s why

    I no longer pray

    for smooth skin.

    I pray instead

    for gentler hands,

    for quieter nights,

    for a body

    that no longer mistakes

    silence

    for safety.

    If the gods ever come looking

    for the pieces

    they abandoned,

    they’ll find them here—

    written beneath my skin,

    where every scar

    became a sentence,

    every sentence

    became a story,

    and somewhere along the way,

    I stopped being

    the sacrifice.

    I became

    the monument.

    Until next time,

    — Destiny

    P.S. Which line stayed with you the longest?