destinylaharris

Tag: Endometriosis

  • Sunday Things #5

    Apparently, the second I started feeling better, I forgot I had surgery.

    Not completely.

    Just enough to become a problem. 😂

    Last week, I was talking about how strange it felt to finally start feeling like myself again.

    This week?

    I apparently took that as a challenge.

    I went out to dinner.

    I picked up kids.

    I had sleepovers.

    I baked cupcakes.

    I got my nails done.

    I went swimming.

    I went to a birthday party.

    I stayed up half the night with a sick kid.

    And somewhere in there, I apparently decided recovery was over because I could finally move around without immediately regretting my existence.

    It is not.

    For the record.

    I’m definitely feeling better, but if I do too much, I still feel it in my hips and lower back.

    Apparently feeling better and actually being completely recovered are two different things.

    Okay, everybody calm the fuck down.

    I said BETTER, not BRAND NEW. 😂

    ☕ This Week’s Comfort

    Honestly?

    People.

    Which feels weird to say after spending the last few weeks wanting nothing more than my bed, my recliner, and everybody to leave me alone. 😂

    Monday night, my best friend picked me up and took me to BDUBS.

    Afterward, we sat in her car for about an hour listening to music and talking.

    Then somehow we spent another two hours sitting on the porch saying random words just to see how thick our accents were.

    I don’t know.

    Apparently this is what friendship looks like in your thirties. 😂

    There were also lunches out.

    King of the Hill in the recliner.

    A very necessary nail appointment.

    And beef and noodles.

    Oh, the beef and noodles.

    I had been craving something and couldn’t figure out what it was.

    Then I got out of the shower Friday and it hit me:

    BEEF AND NOODLES.

    I got on DoorDash and ordered everything before I even dried off.

    There are moments in life when you have to have priorities.

    That was one of them.

    📸 Through My Lens

    There were a lot of little moments worth keeping this week.

    Monday, I picked my niece up from school and helped her wrap her girlfriend’s birthday gifts for Thursday.

    Then Tuesday, my younger niece turned four.

    Four.

    I genuinely don’t understand how that happened.

    She was born three months early and was once small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.

    Now she’s more than half my height. 🥲

    I made her birthday outfit, and I gave her a little toy piano for her birthday.

    She—and both of the boys—absolutely love it.

    Unfortunately, the piano later betrayed her.

    She managed to get her finger stuck between the keys and started going:

    “Ow. Ow. Ow. NeeNee!”

    I got her finger out and asked why she put it in there in the first place.

    She said:

    “I don’t know!”

    Then she looked at me.

    Looked at the piano.

    Looked back at me.

    And said:

    “That mother fucker.”

    😭😂

    I couldn’t help it.

    I laughed.

    Her birthday party was Saturday. My sister made the cutest cake, she loved all of her presents, and we went swimming.

    It was fun.

    And overstimulating.

    But mostly, I kept looking at this little girl who used to fit in the palm of my hand and wondering how the hell four years went by that fast.

    💭 A Thought I’ve Been Carrying

    Wednesday was my follow-up appointment.

    And I finally heard the words I have been waiting to hear:

    I CAN PICK THE KIDDOS UP AGAIN.

    😭

    Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for that?!

    Naturally, my niece called afterward to ask how my appointment went—and, more importantly, whether I was allowed to pick her and the boys up yet.

    Priorities. 😂

    So I picked them up early from the sitter.

    Because obviously.

    But the appointment also gave me the next part of this whole weird journey.

    For the next three to six months, I’ll be getting a monthly injection that will put me into a medically induced menopause.

    At 33.

    Because apparently I am an overachiever.

    The goal is to help treat what remains of my endometriosis and shrink my fibroid. And at the end of all of this, my doctor believes I’ll have a better chance of getting pregnant.

    Which is strange to think about.

    I’m about to temporarily shut down the very system I’m hoping will eventually help me have a baby.

    There’s something almost absurd about that.

    But hopeful, too.

    This whole process has been one weird contradiction after another.

    Surgery so I can heal.

    Menopause because I want a baby.

    Feeling better while still recovering.

    Being excited and absolutely terrified at the same time.

    Apparently, two things can be true at once.

    I’m learning that a lot lately.

    ❤️ This Week’s Gratitude

    This one belongs to the little moments.

    My niece staying the night when she almost never wants to.

    Making clay keychains together.

    Baking chocolate cupcakes and decorating them with pink and purple icing, pink glitter, and unicorn toppers.

    Her doing my makeup.

    Watching KPop Demon Hunters.

    Random dancing.

    Doing a Facebook Live for absolutely no reason.

    And eventually having her curled up asleep in my lap.

    There was also a conversation with my boyfriend this week about babies.

    And proposals.

    Apparently his current proposal plan involves taking me somewhere near a cliff so that if I say no, I can “accidentally” fall off.

    So.

    That’s comforting.

    😂

    I can’t stand him sometimes.

    But underneath the jokes, there are conversations happening now that once felt really far away.

    Marriage.

    A baby.

    Our future.

    And after everything my body has been through lately, there is something really nice about talking about what might come next instead of only thinking about what hurts right now.

    😂 This Week’s “Well…That Happened.”

    Oh, Sunday.

    Sweet, innocent Sunday.

    On Saturday, I wrote this:

    Please, I’m begging you, please let me just relax today, and do nothing. At all. I’m begging you.

    —Destiny
    Written on Saturday.

    Apparently Sunday took that personally.

    It technically started at 12:23 a.m.

    I hadn’t even been to sleep yet because every time I started dozing off, my nephew would toss, turn, whine, or cough.

    Then he puked.

    On me.

    And the bed.

    So there I was, shortly after midnight, cleaning vomit and trying to get a sick kid settled back down.

    Eventually, he fell asleep lying on my stomach.

    Poor DooDoos. 😩

    He was up and down for most of the night, so sleep was basically a rumor.

    By morning, I was on the couch watching CaRtOoNz with one nephew coughing, snotting, and crying while the other was growling like a demon baby.

    If you’ve ever seen Baby Jack-Jack from The Incredibles?

    That.

    It wasn’t even 10 a.m.

    Eventually, Demon Baby left for a visit with his mom and dad, and I developed a craving.

    Texas Roadhouse.

    And when I say craving, I mean mission.

    So yes.

    I took the sick nephew with us.

    Judge me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    We came home.

    I took a nap.

    My nephew eventually got picked up.

    And I planted myself in the recliner, turned on King of the Hill, and have barely moved since.

    I’m on the final season now.

    And remember that laundry I was supposed to do today?

    Yeah.

    I didn’t do laundry. 😂

    You know what?

    It’ll still be dirty tomorrow.

    Until next time,

    —Destiny

    P.S. What’s something you absolutely should have done this weekend…but decided could become Monday’s problem instead?

  • 33 and Going Through Menopause

    33 years old and about to go through menopause for the next 3–6 months.

    Am I an overachiever or what? lol

    I had my post-op follow-up this week, and everything went really well. I’m healing better than I expected, which is a huge relief because just a week ago I was convinced this whole recovery process was going to drag forever.

    Now comes the next part.

    My doctor wants to start me on a monthly injection that will put my body into a medically induced menopause for a few months.

    Which is…a sentence I definitely did not expect to be saying at 33.

    The goal is to suppress the endometriosis that may still be hanging around and hopefully help shrink my fibroid, too. It’s temporary, but knowing something is temporary doesn’t necessarily make it sound less intimidating when the word involved is menopause.

    I have no idea exactly how my body is going to react yet.

    Hot flashes? Probably.

    Mood swings? Maybe.

    My body deciding it suddenly hates me in brand-new and creative ways? Honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t even be surprised. 😂

    But there was good news mixed into all of it.

    My doctor said that after this treatment, I should have a better chance of getting pregnant.

    And that makes the next few months feel a little easier to accept.

    Not necessarily easier to go through, because I’m sure there are going to be days when I’m hot, irritated, exhausted, emotional, or all four at once and wondering why I agreed to any of this.

    But easier to understand.

    There’s a reason for it.

    There’s something I’m working toward.

    For now, I’m just trying to take everything one step at a time and let my body do what it needs to do.

    And on a completely unrelated but equally important note:

    I CAN FINALLY PICK THE KIDDOS UP AGAIN.

    Recovery has made me realize how much I take little things like that for granted. Being able to scoop one of them up, carry them around, or have them climb into my lap without immediately worrying about my incisions feels like getting a tiny piece of normal back.

    Honestly, that might have been the best part of the entire appointment.

    So that’s where I am right now.

    Healing well.

    About to temporarily enter menopause at 33.

    Still dealing with endometriosis and a fibroid.

    Still hopeful.

    And apparently collecting life experiences wildly out of order.

    Overachiever, remember? 😂

    Until next time.

    — Destiny

    P.S. Have you ever had your body throw you a completely unexpected curveball and just had to roll with it?

  • Sunday Things #3

    There’s something about Sundays that makes me look back at the week a little differently.

    The little moments start connecting.

    The uncomfortable ones.

    The funny ones.

    The ones that seemed insignificant at the time but somehow became the story.

    This week wasn’t productive.

    It wasn’t exciting.

    It was slow.

    And maybe that’s exactly what I needed.

    For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have the option to keep moving.

    My body made that decision for me.

    ☕ This Week’s Comfort

    A heating pad.

    King of the Hill playing in the background.

    Naps that happened whenever they happened.

    And finally being able to shower after surgery.

    Sometimes comfort isn’t exciting.

    Sometimes it’s simply finding one position that doesn’t hurt.

    📷 Through My Lens

    I didn’t pick up my camera this week.

    Instead, I spent a lot of time noticing things from the recliner.

    How quickly the days blurred together.

    How different every hour of recovery felt.

    And how healing can somehow feel painfully slow and surprisingly fast at the same time.

    💭 A Thought I’ve Been Carrying

    This week reminded me that healing isn’t passive.

    It feels like you’re doing nothing…

    but your body is doing everything.

    I’ve spent so much of my life feeling guilty whenever I slowed down.

    This week, I didn’t have a choice.

    And maybe that’s okay.

    Maybe resting is still moving forward.

    Just in a different direction.

    ❤️ This Week’s Gratitude

    I’m grateful the surgery went well.

    I’m grateful they finally found answers.

    I’m grateful for heating pads.

    For nurses who don’t wait for you to ask if you’re hurting.

    For pain medicine that worked faster than I thought was possible.

    For everyone who checked in on me.

    And especially for my boyfriend, who has spent the week making sure I haven’t had to worry about much of anything except getting better.

    😂 This Week’s “Well…That Happened.”

    I have become painfully aware of just how many things require your abdominal muscles.

    Shifting positions?

    Sore.

    Walking?

    Sore.

    Coughing?

    Absolutely not.

    Yawning?

    Apparently that’s an abdominal activity now, too.

    Even getting comfortable requires getting uncomfortable first.

    I knew I was going to be sore after surgery.

    I just didn’t realize my stomach was involved in approximately 97% of existing.

    And then, of course, there’s pooping after surgery.

    That’s an entire adventure of its own.

    I’ll leave it at that.

    🌱 This Week’s Small Joy

    My peanut butter pie finally arrived. 😅

    I knew it was coming.

    I’ve been waiting for it.

    And after spending several days snacking more than actually eating, I was VERY happy to finally see that pie.

    There were other little things, too.

    Video calls with my sister that kept me sane.

    My heating pad practically becoming another appendage.

    King of the Hill playing while I drifted in and out of naps.

    And noticing the bloating and gas finally starting to ease up.

    Nothing huge.

    But this wasn’t really a week for huge things.

    This was a week for finding something good in the small ones.

    Until next time.

    -Destiny

    P.S. What’s one small thing that made a hard day feel a little easier this week? I’d love to hear about it. 🖤

  • Day Two

    Recovery is strange.

    Everyone prepares you for the surgery.

    Not many people prepare you for the waiting afterward.

    Today has mostly been heating pads, naps, walking a little, trying to get comfortable, and discovering that the trapped gas from laparoscopic surgery is somehow more annoying than the incisions themselves.

    I’ve become very grateful for whoever invented heating pads.

    (Seriously.)

    My body feels like it’s reminding me every few minutes that it went through something yesterday.

    Not in a scary way.

    Just in an honest one.

    Recovery isn’t dramatic.

    It’s slow.

    It’s uncomfortable.

    It’s watching another episode because getting up sounds like too much work.

    It’s celebrating small victories that normally wouldn’t deserve mentioning.

    Like finally being able to use the bathroom.

    Or realizing you can laugh without it hurting quite as much as it did yesterday.

    I don’t have many answers yet.

    Those come in a couple of weeks.

    For now, my only job is to rest.

    And for someone who always likes to be doing something…

    That might be the hardest part.

    — Destiny

    P.S. Healing doesn’t always look productive. Sometimes it just looks like giving your body permission to catch up.

  • We Got Some Answers.

    Yesterday, I ended my journal entry by saying I’d let you know what today brought.

    So…

    Here’s the update.

    The surgery went well.

    The doctors found endometriosis.

    They also found fibroids on the back side of my uterus.

    As strange as it sounds, I actually felt relieved hearing that.

    Not because I’m happy to have either of those things, obviously. But because after wondering for so long, there’s finally an explanation for at least part of what I’ve been experiencing.

    I’ll know more in about two weeks when I go back for my follow-up appointment, but for now, I’m just grateful to finally have some answers.

    When I woke up after surgery, I was cramping like I was on my period, and I was definitely uncomfortable.

    The nurse gave me some medication through my IV, and within seconds the cramps eased up.

    I looked at her and joked that I needed them to prescribe whatever that was for my periods because I’ve never had anything work that fast before.

    After that, I celebrated my successful surgery with the world’s most gourmet meal:

    Saltine crackers and a Sprite.

    Honestly?

    Not bad.

    One thing I wasn’t expecting was the heated gown.

    Why has nobody told me those things exist?

    That may have been one of my favorite discoveries of the day.

    I’ve been home since around noon, sleeping on and off in the recliner, wrapped up in my blanket with Bailey Sarian playing in the background.

    My boyfriend stayed with me through everything today, waited while I was in surgery, and has been taking such good care of me since we got home.

    He’s definitely earned a few extra brownie points. 🖤

    Thankfully, I’m not in the kind of pain I was preparing myself for.

    Mostly, I’m just uncomfortable, crampy, and unbelievably sleepy.

    I have a feeling tonight will end the same way most of today has gone…

    With another nap.

    Yesterday I wrote that maybe today would bring answers.

    It did.

    Not all of them.

    But enough to finally feel like we’re moving in the right direction.

    For now, I think that’s enough.

    I’ll keep you updated after my follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks.

    Until next time,

    -Destiny

    P.S. For now, my only plans involve naps, blankets, and letting my body do the hard work of healing. 🖤

  • It Is What It Is

    Tomorrow morning, I’ll be having surgery.

    I’ve noticed something kind of funny.

    Everyone else seems more concerned about it than I am.

    People keep asking if I’m nervous, and I keep giving them the same answer.

    Not really.

    I’ve never been someone who gets overwhelmed by surgeries. My mindset has always been pretty simple:

    It is what it is.

    Life keeps moving.

    And today proved that.

    Today was the last day of summer school.

    The building felt different. Everyone was excited for summer to officially begin, but there was also a quiet sadness woven into the day. Two of my coworkers are moving on to different chapters. One is leaving altogether, and another accepted a new position, so today was our last day working together.

    It’s funny how a place can feel different the moment you realize someone won’t be there tomorrow.

    After work, I spent part of the afternoon driving friends around because life apparently decided everyone’s car should act up at the same time.

    Later tonight, my boyfriend and I are going to see if we can help fix one of them before coming home, making dinner, and ending the night the way we usually do—with something familiar playing on the TV and a chance to unwind.

    In between all of that…

    I have surgery tomorrow.

    I’m not packing a hospital bag.

    I’ll throw on a pair of baggy sweatpants, grab my favorite blanket, and head out in the morning.

    Tomorrow morning I’ll be getting up about an hour and a half earlier than I’m used to.

    Other than that, it’ll probably feel like any other weekday.

    I’ll get dressed.

    I’ll put on deodorant.

    I’ll brush my teeth.

    I’ll stand in the bathroom getting ready for the day just like I always do.

    The only thing missing will be my morning medication. Since I’m not allowed to eat or drink before surgery, I’ll be skipping that part of my routine.

    It’s funny how something that feels so big can begin in such an ordinary way.

    The surgery itself doesn’t really scare me.

    If anything, I’m more curious than afraid.

    Curious about what they’ll find.

    Curious if this will finally answer some of the questions I’ve been carrying for a long time.

    This procedure is another step in trying to understand why becoming a mom hasn’t happened for us naturally.

    Maybe they’ll find something.

    Maybe they won’t.

    I think the only thing that really makes me nervous is the conversation afterward.

    The moment the doctor comes out to explain what they found.

    I’ll probably still be waking up from anesthesia, trying to keep my eyes open, and I know I’m not exactly known for remembering much afterward. I’m hoping whoever’s with me catches the things I won’t.

    Other than that…

    Life feels surprisingly normal.

    Dinner still has to be made.

    Cars still break down.

    People still move on to new jobs.

    Summer school still ends.

    Tomorrow just happens to include a hospital in the middle of all of it.

    Maybe tomorrow will bring answers.

    Maybe it’ll bring more questions.

    Either way…

    It’s another step forward.

    And right now, I think that’s enough.

    I’ll let you know what tomorrow brings.

    — Destiny

    P.S. I’ll be back soon. Hopefully with a few more answers… and at least one good anesthesia story. 🖤